“Speed on to Heaven,” she heard him say, and she closed her eyes in bliss.

That was lovely. I just read this and the original together, and I really enjoyed the way you were true to the tone of the original, and the way you chose words that feel authentic to the story. It's hard to rewrite a story with the same events (minus the Spike), style and tone of the original, but you've done a great job! Spike was a fantastic addition to the tale. =)