electricalgwen

I've had a few, fortunately relatively short, periods away from LJ in the past. They were all associated with restricted computer access - laptop died, moving/travelling/otherwise lacking Internet-I-could-come-here-with - and even though I missed LJ, there was always a brief but odd reluctance to come back. I knew I'd never catch up with things, whether fic or conversations or episode squee; it was easier to ignore it, for a little while longer. A day or two, at most, and then I'd accept that I was out of touch, check in with friends, read the latest, and move on.

This time, I dropped off the radar on July 25, and...just never came back.

I was tired. I was unhappy with my J2 big bang this year: I didn't have enough time or energy to devote to it, and I avoided it for too long after getting badly stuck, until I wrote probably half of it in a desperate last-minute struggle not to let my artist down, and it showed. To me, and to others, and I let a few negative comments get to me. I was struggling with other stuff I was supposed to write - still am /o\ - and there were some big things out in the real world I had to organize and deal with. LJ was mostly making me feel guilty, so I avoided it. As a result, the break caused by a brief internet-free vacation kept getting longer and longer, and it got harder and harder to come back.

A lot of the above is still true. I'm still struggling with writing, and with having time to write, and with reading anything at all. But I miss you guys. And today's my sixth anniversary on LJ, and the day I usually do an annual round-up, so here I am again. I hope can find a better balance in 2012.


What I Did Last Year, by Gwen

Supernatural

sink or swim - Sam/Dean, PG-13, ~3200 words. Written for apreludetoanend.

Involves a water elemental and angst. This took a long time to come together but I like the style of it: less dialogue, more description, and maybe darker/deeper than usual.


Dolor Ibi Est - Gen Sam & Dean, PG-13, ~8500 words. Written for de_nugis in the ohsam hurt/comfort challenge.

I had fun with this one, both the plot and Dean's wild stories.


put it in your pocket - Sam & Dean, PG, ~1000 words. Written for the prompt "better with you" at silverbullets.

Because there's never enough stargazing.


day springs eternal - Sam/Dean, R, 1376 words. Written for the prompt "hope springs eternal" at spnspringfling.

Mystery Spot twist. Angst, but with a touch of hope. Dean keeps dying, and Sam keeps doing something stupid. I imagine everyone has to write Mystery Spot fic eventually.


get outta the kitchen - Sam/Dean, R, 2650 words. Written for dancetomato. Sex pollen fic from Bobby's POV, with bonus!Castiel.

This is far and away the most popular thing I have ever written. I'm glad it made so many people laugh! A companion piece from Dean's POV has been in the works for far too long. *apologies to DT*


CW RPF

Give A Dog A Bone - J2 AU, PG-13, ~10K words. Written for j2_everafter, loosely inspired by the Black Cauldron.

Crack, mild schmoop, cliches, improbable science, Eilonwy!Jensen and Assistant Dogwalker Jared. Yeah.


Black Flag Over Texas - J2 AU, NC-17, ~32K words. Written for spn_j2_bigbang.

Prequel to last year's story Green Means Go. If you haven't read either and are considering them, I'd suggest starting with last year's. I think it's more enjoyable that way. Both involve suspense, hidden identities, dystopian politics and Jensen being awesome. Also explosions, if you like that sort of thing.


Other:

In Plain Sight - Spike/Xander, ~850 words. Written for eyezrthewindows.

I wrote this in a fit of last-minute inspiration. It was nice to revisit these guys for a little while.

And finally, a snippet of Angel/JDM, for laisserais.

I can't write either of these guys. Really. But somehow, they wanted to brood at talk to fuck each other.


It turns out I wrote about as much this past year as I did the year before - all in the first half of the year! No wonder I burned out, I guess.

Incidentally, I did a year-in-review round-up last year, which nobody commented on. This was only mildly surprising, and so it was not until some time later that I realized one contributing factor was that it was locked and misdated. *facepalm* Not that you don't already have a million things to read - I certainly do - but in case you're interested in what I wrote in 2010 and my thoughts on it, it's available.

See you around, I hope! ♥

Nine hours and 2.5K words to go.

This is a hell of a lot better than yesterday, when I was at 10K total, and had a major plothole (thanks to madame_meretrix for helping me work through that one!) But I'm still only about two-thirds of the way through my 25-sentence outline.

I keep reminding myself all I need is a DRAFT.

And tea. MOAR TEA.

And maybe an explosion or two.

I have been on LJ for 5 years today! According to Wikipedia, the fifth anniversary is wood (traditional) or silverware (modern.) Perhaps I will go with a silver-bound wooden stake, to cover all the bases.

Things I did this year: Wrote more, and wrote different types of stuff. Started a bunch of things I am still excited about but haven't finished. (This is actually somewhat unusual for me - I previously tended to write one, maximum 2, stories at a time, whether that was all in one chunk or over days/weeks.) Made new friends. Allowed a teensy bit more to sneak through the RL/LJ barrier.


This year's authorial output:

Supernatural

all we are is dust in the wind - Sam/Dean, PG13, crossover/fusion with His Dark Materials, ~5800 words, written for the spn_j2_xmas exchange.

First time writing a crossover. This daunted the heck out of me; I am only aware of a few HDM crossover fics and they are really good! I didn't want to let the side down. I found this universe really interesting, and there will be timestamps, at least.


bright the vision that delighted - Sam/Dean, PG13, ~12,500 words of AU season 6 casefic with Castiel and Claire Novak, written for spn_reversebang.

First time writing for a piece of art. Neat experience. This one took off on me.


Green Means Go - CWRPF, J2 AU, R, ~35,000 words, written for spn_j2_bigbang.

I'm proud of this. It's long, I managed to keep the plot together, it got recs and good reviews (even from the anonmeme), and I still like it even after all the time I spent on it. First bigbang, first time collaborating with an artist, and a great experience all round.


for a relative value of weird - CWRPF, J2 'non-AU', NC-17, ~3650 words, started for a prompt from apreludetoanend and finished for her birthday.

Not much to say about this. I write what I like. Gotta own it. ;)


Buffy/Angel:

Surgical Strike, chapter 1, Spike/Xander, PG13, for iadorespike on her birthday.

Speaking of which, that auspicious occasion is coming up again rapidly, and I did promise her I'd finish the story eventually. Huh.

Gwen drabble, 'Play', for open_on_sunday

Ficlet in which Xander/Riley adopt a puppy, UTTER SCHMOOP, for entrenous88 on her birthday.


Things that are blindingly apparent: 1) I have switched primary fandoms, 2) I need occasions/deadlines to actually complete anything.

I wrote around 60,000 words this year, which is three or four times as much as the year before (depending on whether you count the Dollhouse meta which was at least 1/3 of my output in 2009.) That's mainly due to bigbang, of course. I enjoyed it, I'd like to write a prequel this year, but I'm not sure if I'm up to doing it again. However, madame_meretrix says she will if I will, so... :)

I like this year's writing. I think I'm tougher on myself these days. I find Dean and Sam hard; they're complex, and there's a lot of pain and darkness that needs to be there, or at least taken into account, if the story is going to have any real weight or believability to it. One thing I realized this year is that I don't like taking characters through the dark places, I tend to subconsciously pull back. But if I don't, I will never get the level of meaning that I want. It's not just angst for angst's sake, it's the crucible. It's why fleshflutter and candle_beck can hit me so hard; they go there, they take their characters through hell and back, and make the trip worth the emotional investment.

Thanks to everyone who's chatted, commented, beta'd, listened to me brainstorming, encouraged people to sign up for challenges, and just generally been here. Fandom is a weird and wonderful place, and five years ago I didn't know it existed. You are all really neat people and I'm glad I know you. ♥

My bigbang posting day is under two weeks away! I still have some expansion stuff to write and yet more editing, but I'm not too panicked yet. It's been really exciting seeing the artwork apieceofcake is creating!

Like many stories, mine shifts between different character POVs in different sections. There will be dividers between the sections (not just the usual 4 line blank spacing, thanks to my lovely artist!) I am undecided as to whether it is a good idea or not to identify the person in whose POV the section is written. Sometimes I like that, the cute little nametag dividers. Other times I think, meh, it's not like I couldn't figure it out, at least if the writing's any good.

So I was waffling on that and suddenly realized I haven't posted a poll in ages.

[Poll #1586222]

Heh. I finally managed to watch 5.16 last night, so now I can trail around and read everyone's reaction posts and maybe even that comment fic meme. <3

( Though I don't know why everyone's so upset... )

ION, I am seriously trying to write 1000 words a day on my bigbang fic, because otherwise there is no way it will be done. So far, so good, assuming I can do some tonight once the boys are in bed. The story is coming together - I've realized there is actually a fourth major faction in play, which complicates matters a bit but solves some of the plotholes I was running into - but there is still a LONG way to go. Eep.

I have way too much stuff piled on my desk at work. This afternoon was mostly spent slogging through it; I unearthed a fat envelope that came a week or two ago, which I had assumed contained promotional material or some such crap and could wait until I got through more urgent stuff.

No. (Well, yes, it could wait. But it wasn't unsolicited crap.)

It was a complimentary copy of an anthology in which an essay of mine appears.

I've had stuff published before, so it felt strange to be completely, ridiculously gleeful over this, but the other stuff is all academic. I think this is the first time that a piece of my non-academic writing - my personal writing - has appeared in a book.

It makes me very happy. I have been grinning all evening. :D

Also, I felt inspired, came home and actually wrote another 500 words of fic. GOD IT IS LIKE PULLING TEETH THESE DAYS ARGH. But, progress! *facepalm*