six years later, here we are again

[electricalgwen]

I've had a few, fortunately relatively short, periods away from LJ in the past. They were all associated with restricted computer access - laptop died, moving/travelling/otherwise lacking Internet-I-could-come-here-with - and even though I missed LJ, there was always a brief but odd reluctance to come back. I knew I'd never catch up with things, whether fic or conversations or episode squee; it was easier to ignore it, for a little while longer. A day or two, at most, and then I'd accept that I was out of touch, check in with friends, read the latest, and move on.

This time, I dropped off the radar on July 25, and...just never came back.

I was tired. I was unhappy with my J2 big bang this year: I didn't have enough time or energy to devote to it, and I avoided it for too long after getting badly stuck, until I wrote probably half of it in a desperate last-minute struggle not to let my artist down, and it showed. To me, and to others, and I let a few negative comments get to me. I was struggling with other stuff I was supposed to write - still am /o\ - and there were some big things out in the real world I had to organize and deal with. LJ was mostly making me feel guilty, so I avoided it. As a result, the break caused by a brief internet-free vacation kept getting longer and longer, and it got harder and harder to come back.

A lot of the above is still true. I'm still struggling with writing, and with having time to write, and with reading anything at all. But I miss you guys. And today's my sixth anniversary on LJ, and the day I usually do an annual round-up, so here I am again. I hope can find a better balance in 2012.


What I Did Last Year, by Gwen

Supernatural

sink or swim - Sam/Dean, PG-13, ~3200 words. Written for apreludetoanend.

Involves a water elemental and angst. This took a long time to come together but I like the style of it: less dialogue, more description, and maybe darker/deeper than usual.


Dolor Ibi Est - Gen Sam & Dean, PG-13, ~8500 words. Written for de_nugis in the ohsam hurt/comfort challenge.

I had fun with this one, both the plot and Dean's wild stories.


put it in your pocket - Sam & Dean, PG, ~1000 words. Written for the prompt "better with you" at silverbullets.

Because there's never enough stargazing.


day springs eternal - Sam/Dean, R, 1376 words. Written for the prompt "hope springs eternal" at spnspringfling.

Mystery Spot twist. Angst, but with a touch of hope. Dean keeps dying, and Sam keeps doing something stupid. I imagine everyone has to write Mystery Spot fic eventually.


get outta the kitchen - Sam/Dean, R, 2650 words. Written for dancetomato. Sex pollen fic from Bobby's POV, with bonus!Castiel.

This is far and away the most popular thing I have ever written. I'm glad it made so many people laugh! A companion piece from Dean's POV has been in the works for far too long. *apologies to DT*


CW RPF

Give A Dog A Bone - J2 AU, PG-13, ~10K words. Written for j2_everafter, loosely inspired by the Black Cauldron.

Crack, mild schmoop, cliches, improbable science, Eilonwy!Jensen and Assistant Dogwalker Jared. Yeah.


Black Flag Over Texas - J2 AU, NC-17, ~32K words. Written for spn_j2_bigbang.

Prequel to last year's story Green Means Go. If you haven't read either and are considering them, I'd suggest starting with last year's. I think it's more enjoyable that way. Both involve suspense, hidden identities, dystopian politics and Jensen being awesome. Also explosions, if you like that sort of thing.


Other:

In Plain Sight - Spike/Xander, ~850 words. Written for eyezrthewindows.

I wrote this in a fit of last-minute inspiration. It was nice to revisit these guys for a little while.

And finally, a snippet of Angel/JDM, for laisserais.

I can't write either of these guys. Really. But somehow, they wanted to brood at talk to fuck each other.


It turns out I wrote about as much this past year as I did the year before - all in the first half of the year! No wonder I burned out, I guess.

Incidentally, I did a year-in-review round-up last year, which nobody commented on. This was only mildly surprising, and so it was not until some time later that I realized one contributing factor was that it was locked and misdated. *facepalm* Not that you don't already have a million things to read - I certainly do - but in case you're interested in what I wrote in 2010 and my thoughts on it, it's available.

See you around, I hope! ♥

Comments

[laisserais]

hi hi hi! I have pretty much moved permanently to DW, and only just noticed that this came up in my rss reader. Your LJ is one of the few I RSS, but I almost always forget to check this folder. *facepalm*

I am so glad to see a post from you, if only to know that you're still out there. I'd be sad if I lost you completely, even if you're not enjoying fandom anymore. Don't leave me, Gwen!

Honestly, I'd wondered why, as the days went by, you had disappeared. I'd hoped it was because RL was busy, but in a good way. A small part wondered and feared if it had to do with your big bang and its reception. I'm sorry, love. There's almost nothing that feels worse than seeing yourself critiqued by those with no fear of reprisal. It's rough. I feel like I let you down around bb. I should have pushed you harder or been more insistent as a beta. But I was afraid that I'd upset you. :( I'm sorry. If you, in the future, feel like you may need a beta again, I humbly offer my services, and a promise to be better.

I know what you mean about being burned out. I've had a similar experience. I just lost all perspective on fandom and its place in my life. I came to fear judgment from fellow fen, and let it cripple my ability to communicate. (I'm not saying this is your story, just that it happened to me.) After stepping away for a while, and allowing myself to follow my fannish fancies wherever they may lead, I feel little more refreshed now. I may even make a post! (watch out. ;))

I still love the Angel/JDM you wrote for me. And so many of your stories from last year. I can't believe it's been 6 years!